Sometimes love literally hurts!

And today is one of those days. Actually I have moments throughout most days where a twinge of pain will come over my heart as I think of my precious little boys. I see Esaie's shirt with the chicken Creole stain on it, or the little Lifeguard hat the Juvenson wanted to wear everywhere...and I can feel the pain in my heart. I try to press on! Well, today we decided to give the house a good thorough cleaning...it has been a LONG time. I am usually so exhausted from all of the mental and emotional energy that I put forth that I haven't done the greatest job of keeping up with the house. So I will continue to be completely honest and tell you that we still hadn't unpacked our suitcases from Haiti. Well, we had taken our clothes out and washed some of the boys things, but I just couldn't get myself to take everything out. It hurts!

The night before we flew out my sister bought the boys a wooden train set, Juvenson had so much fun with it. We decided to bring some of the toys home with us to give them again the next time we see them. The toys at the orphanage become communal, so the things that they really, really liked we brought home so they can play with them again. And those have been tucked away in the suitcase, because I couldn't stand to see them without them being in the boys' chubby little hands. There were a couple of bottles from Esaie...he loved his bottles. Juvenson carried his sippie cups around with him everywhere we went...there in that suitcase sat an empty sippie cup. Oh how I just want to fill it up and give our precious boy some safe, cold water! Every once in awhile I would open the suitcase and look at their little toys and remember just how extremely cute they were with them, but I couldn't take them out. Matt actually had to do it...I stuck in the kitchen doing the dishes.

As I type this Matt is lying on the floor playing match box cars with the little girls. They found their brothers toys in the suitcase...they are so sweet. They will play so well with the boys when they come home. There is just such a huge piece of our family that is missing. Yes, for the first time in over a decade our home now has boy toys in it...but the pitter-patter of little boy feet is missing! So today my heart hurts...I miss them something terrible!

Lord, surround our boy's with your presence. May they feel your tender embrace upon them as you cradle them in your arms while we are an ocean apart. Our sweet boys...we miss you, we love you with everything we have in us, and we are doing everything we can to get you home as fast as we can!