Today was a strange day for me. The girls made this little plan that they wanted to go Christmas shopping for each other. They split themselves up one group with each parent, and had their stores all picked out. This is the first time they have had money at Christmas to spend...thanks to all of your orders. (Which by the way...if you are still desiring to place an order ,please do so quickly!) Anyway...it was so fun to shop with the girls and to listen to their excited plans about what they wanted to get the one they had "chosen". Somehow they had a name exchange without Matt and I, but don't worry they included us.
As we walked through the mall, there were times that I was overcome with deep emotion. There is such a deep longing to know who the Lord has for us to adopt. I walked past a huge display of personalized Christmas ornaments...and thought I was just about to cry. It was the strangest thing, because I don't even collect ornaments! I really don't know why seeing those had such an effect on me...but they did. Maybe it was the Baby's 1st Christmas thing...I really don't know. We passed by a purse kiosk...and there were the most adorable diaper bags. I felt this longing once again to know what was going to happen next on this journey. It has been awhile since I packed a diaper bag. Now I admit...I do carry a big bag with me at all times, but it doesn't have diapers or bottles or cheerio snacks inside. I can't describe the emotions that were within me. I don't know if there was sadness for the ones that haven't been placed with us, or just a deep, deep longing to know and hold the one the Lord has chosen for us. I am so glad the girls were there to quickly distract me out of any sort of emotional break-down. I think it was the fact that I was having so much fun with them, yet it felt like there is such a huge piece of our family missing. Even though we have no idea who God has chosen for us to adopt....We don't know if it will be one, or two, or even three. We don't know if it will be a boy or a girl. We don't know if it will be a newborn or a toddler, or even a preschooler. It makes no difference...whoever He has they are still missing from our family. Our family is not complete without them. God has shown us there is someone else out there that belongs in this family...we just don't know who yet.
The emotions of the adoption journey hit at strange times. I try to stay busy, and not let it consume me. I do not worry about how this is going to end up, because I rest in God's Sovereignty. I have said it over and over again...but that is the only place to be on this journey. I do not want to control the outcome...I just want to wait in expectation for Him to reveal the "surprise" to us. Of course I am filled with wonder, I day-dream, I am constantly praying...but I am not fretting or worrying. Sometimes the emotions are strange and I don't know what to even do with them. They come and they go. They wash over me and leave me just as quickly. I guess today was just one of those days...I just really am missing our chosen child. That is the best way to describe it...I miss him/her!
Friday, December 14, 2007
Strangeness...
Posted by Laura Lu at 6:46 PM
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12 comments:
I think people who stay home and take quizzes on Friday nights are cool. Maybe because I am one of them:)
Funny--Trish! No one will know why you left this comment. While you were taking your quiz...I was switching up my blog post. I edited out the whole quiz, with something a little more "meaningful". I am glad that I gave you some entertainment for the evening though.
I think I took about 10 of those quizzes tonight. Not only do I now know my personality, but I has also learned that I am a great kisser ! ;)
Oh the fun of Friday nights at home without our hubbys! :)
I understand. I really do. It comes like a wave... I had one of those today... except unlike you it was shear panic.
I can SOOOoooo relate. My prayers are with you tonight. As hard as it is though, not knowing who God has planned, how cool that he called us/you to more unidentified but incredibly loved child/ren. Rejoice in the calling! WaHOOOO! I know it's hard at times. A verse that has helped me so much this year(losing 3 kids that God lead me to for HIS purpose) was Proverb 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart,but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Court--Sorry you had a rough day filled with panic. *Hugs*
Steffany--that is the part that is so super cool...even though we don't know them...we love them so dearly! Even though things have not gone how we thought...we are thrilled to be on this journey with the Lord!!!!
In my quiet time this morning, I was overcome with praise for all the ways in which I am experiencing God alone. I have a page full of praises for all of the ways that He is proving Himself. I truly am in awe!
Praise God for this! Praise God for what He is doing in your adoption journey...even through the pain. What an amazing verse for you to cling to!!!
One GREAT BIG---WhaHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Laura,
I completely understand your emotions:) We know that God has chosen a child for us and we **think** she may be a girl..we have no idea if she will be an infant or a toddler or a preschooler. We know that we love **her** and that our family, too, is not complete until she is home, safe, in our arms. It is hard to "plan" for her, but we know that God will prepare us when He finally calls us to step out of the boat. All the worries of cribs and clothes will fall away the moment that God calls us! While I trust in The Father and know that His timing is infinite, we still have days when we are solemn and when we just plain miss that child that He placed in our hearts over two years ago!! Hugs to you & praying!!
Sara
Can I just second to what everybody else said above?
I wonder if those are the kind of emotions that God the Father has for His lost children?
Amen to all of the above.
I get it... Laura again your openness and expressions of an adoption journey encourages and reassures me that I'm normal, I"ve had similar feelings. I often feel like there is just someone missing?
I saw you at my church today, I was going to come introduce myself, but you guys hurried out. Oh well, there will be another time.
Valerie--bummer that I didn't get to see you today! We had to rush back home, because we had our program this afternoon too. I was the co-director...so I had to make sure I was there in time.
Wish I could have seen you!
Thanks for sharing, Laura. My heart goes out to you...the Lord is doing amazing things in and through you guys right now. It is so neat to hear about...so, thanks!
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